SB Responds: The 100 Lamest Game Industry Cliches? (part 1)

Let’s go through the list here and talk back. This first part will cover numbers 1-10

1. “All in all”

What the source says: “A code phrase signifying the start of the final paragraph of a review, wherein the writer will sum up the meat of his opinion in a few brief sentences. If you see this at the end of a review, it’s a clear sign that the last paragraph is the only one you actually needed to read.”

What SB says: That may be true, but you also need to pay attention to the other sections to learn why the reviewer said what s/he said in those few brief sentences.

2. Snap the controller in half frustration

What the source says: “You won’t actually feel this level of frustration, unless you’re either A) an adult with the mind of a child who never learned to take care of expensive videogame peripherals, or B) a game reviewer prone to fits of hyperbole.”

SB says: You have no idea just how much I’ve wanted to do that….and sometimes when you’re mad and frustrated, you snap like that.

3. An evolution, not a revolution

What the source says: “A mildly irritating way of saying that the game in question brings a few new features, but doesn’t do anything to reinvent its genre – you know, just like 99 percent of all other games.”

What SB says: Sometimes it’s those few new features that everybody raves about.

4. White knuckle

What the source says: “Frequently used when referring to racing games, with the idea that you’ll grip the steering wheel/controller hard enough to turn your knuckles white.”

SB says: I love doing that, and that’s part of the thrill of racing games.

5. Killer app

What the source says: ” This phrase was never as cool as it sounded, born as it was in the gray-flannel world of practical grown-up computing, but it lost any coolness it once had when it was used as the subtitle for a TRON game.”

What SB says: I didn’t exist when TRON came out, and I haven’t really heard the phrase before.

6. “That might not be so bad, except…”

What the source says: “Hey, remember that awful, game-breaking flaw we just talked about? Yeah, there’s an even worse one that’s so bad, the first one would have been tolerable without it. Why the hell are you still interested enough in this game to continue reading this review?”

What SB says: I am going to continue to read this review just to see if this so-called worse flaw is as bad as you make it sound, and if the game would still be worth my time and money despite it, thank you very much.

7. Seven out of ten

What the source says: “A clear indicator that either a game has nothing to make it particularly interesting, or that a reviewer has no balls.”

What SB says: The reviewer in question may not have found anything interesting, but a potential buyer may. 7/10 means that it has its good points and its bad points, and the gamer makes the call on the game’s goodness or badness.

8. High octane

What the source says: “Technically this refers to a high grade of fuel, but in the context of the game industry, it’s categorically applied to any racing game that enables you to drive at speeds faster than 35 miles per hour.”

What SB says: I’ve seen it used in games that didn’t even involve driving, believe it or not.

9. Shaken, not stirred.

What the source says: “A line that Unimaginative Game Critic Law dictates must be inserted at least once into any and every article about a James Bond game.”

What SB says: Oh yeah? Where does it say that?

10. Turn the lights down and the sound up

What the source says; “Ooh, this game is spooky. Better damage your eyes and annoy the neighbors if you want to fully appreciate it.”

What SB says: Or you can just leave the lights on and the volume decent–or invest in some headphones.

Tomorrow: numbers 11-20