Before we continue down the list here, bear in mind I am only continuing the entertainment purposes of the article by writing my rebuttals.
So with that in mind, let’s go over the next ten:
11. The downside of all this is…
The source: “Oh, heavens no! There is a problem with this game! I know this will come as a shock to you, dear reader, but please, take a deep breath and we’ll get through it together.”
SB replies: In a perfect world, games wouldn’t have problems, but is this downside bad enough to make me reconsider?
12. This will appeal to the casual audience
The source: Code for “This game is mildly fun for exactly five minutes, so maybe someone with no taste whatsoever will enjoy spending money on it.”
SB says: FYI, I’ve had a LOT more fun than five minutes on casual games, thank you.
13. Cheeky nicknames
The source: Shigeru Miyamoto is not “Shigsy.” Resident Evil is not “Resi,” Reggie Fils-Aime is not “The Regginator” and you are not a small child, so stop writing like one.
SB says: I prefer “Miyamoto-sama” over “Shigsy” myself.
14. Worth a rental
The source: No. No, it isn’t. This is incredibly lazy reviewer shorthand for “Well, parts of it were fun, but I wouldn’t ever pay actual money for it. You, however, don’t have the option of playing it for free, so I guess renting it is the next best thing.”
SB: No, the reviewer is saying that the descision to buy is left in the gamer’s hands, and renting will give the gamer a chance to try before s/he buys.
15. Awful final paragraph analogies
The source: “Unable to bring themselves to simply sum up the game and say whether it’s good or bad, many reviewers fall back on nonsensical but smart-sounding comparisons.”
SB: It’s like writing a paper; the last sentence usually is a call to action like said comparisons.
16. Sweaty mitts
The source: “If it’s said about you, then that means the reviewer thinks of you as a smelly fat man with massive, sausage-fingered hands that sweat uncontrollably. If it’s said about the reviewer, that means he or she IS a smelly fat man with massive, sausage-fingered hands that sweat uncontrollably. ”
SB: I am far from that description, thank you.
17. Cinematic
The source: “Shorthand for saying that a game has the pacing, visual direction or production values of a movie.”
SB: But it’s an interactive movie–unless the game has 90 minute cutscenes.
18. Through the roof
The source: “If you see this, it means that the gameplay, production values or whatever impressed the reviewer so much that they had no choice but to trot out a tired old figure of speech.”
SB: And it’s bad to say you really really liked something?
19. X-killer
The source: “While it’s supposed to mean the opposite, its use has historically been a clear sign that the game in question is vastly inferior to Zelda, Halo or whatever other game it’s supposed to “kill.”
SB: Unless the X-killer is really well done, which is rare.
20. In the end
The source: “See All in all”
SB: See my rebuttal for All in all
Tomorrow: #21-30
