I wasn’t up to my usual driveling-all-over-the-place this year because I got laid off in the spring and moved across the country this summer, so I missed a bunch of stuff. However, Austin said I could keep it to 5 things and I guess my input is valued or something so LET ME SETTLE SOME SCORES RIGHT NOW.
5: Best Bizarrely Unexpected Game About Obscure Episodes At The End of WW1: Last Train Home.
I’m gonna be honest with you, even a historical weirdo like me that’s actually heard of the Czech Legion wouldn’t think that a game about a handful of Czech guys trying to get across Russia during the Revolution and survive would work, but I think they pulled it off. Thrill to tense squad encounters! Gasp at managing your crew as your train rattles towards Vladivostok! Obsess about whether you should send your best sniper out to hunt game to keep everyone fed or keep them to hunt The Most Dangerous Game: COMMUNISTS!
4: Best Star Trekking Across The Universe: Star Trek: Resurgence.
While I did enjoy games like Star Trek: Voyager: Elite Force, I will admit the crew of Voyager probably wasn’t known for rocket jumping or sick noscopes, except when Janeway capped Tuvix (deservedly). Point is, Star Trek is hard for game companies to wrap their heads around because it’s mostly about talking and thinking, not shooting and jumping and conquest (gross!). Star Trek: Resurgence was made by a crew of Telltale vets, it feels like it, and it manages the seemingly impossible: it actually feels like an episode of Star Trek instead of “okay but what if they had rocket launchers but we called them photon torpedo launchers?”
3: Best “I am either on too many or not enough drugs for this”: Blacktail.
Technically, it came out on December 15th of 2022, but technically, I am writing this in February of 2024, and time is a construct that has no meaning. Blacktail isn’t so much a game as a hallucinogen in digital form. Like, there’s a shooting arrows and crafting and boss fights kinda thing in there, but mainly it puts you in this bizarro Eastern European fairy tale world full of cracked out Muppet-lookin’ things and weird things happen and you have no idea if you have taken too many drugs or not enough drugs to really comprehend it. I don’t think I spent more time thinking about a game, mainly what the hell was that, than I did Blacktail. I’ve suggested it to 4 different people. It feels like the kind of thing you used to pick up in the PC game bargain bin (those did exist) in a store (those did exist) when they sold PC games (they used to do that) with no manual and no instructions.
2: Well This Is Just A Damn Delight Award: Cross Blitz.
We are well into the era of games trying too hard to be deep and meaningful and moving, all sad dads moping and feeling deep feelings. Cross Blitz is about rad dudes bro-ing down, having some card battles, being pirates, making the occasional good natured death threats, and having a jolly old time. It’s got the colorful palette and cheerful good vibes of a classic SNES game and I am astonished it’s not bigger than it is. Please go make it huge.
1: Made For Me, Personally Award: Shadows of Doubt.
An entirely simulated sci fi/noir city sim where you play a detective investigating procedurally generated crimes? Madre de dios. Is it wonky because so much is procedurally generated? Is it ever! Do the cases have a sameness because they’re all procgen? Yes! Does everything feel totally artificial because of that? Of course! Do I care? Pouring myself a slug of whiskey Sister, there’s one thing I know about this town, if you care about anything, it’ll take it away from you. They took my badge because I was the one good cop in this dirty city…
Bonus Funniest Thing: Everyone finally turning on Bethesda because of Starfield.
Look, I never got Oblivion or Skyrim. They were boring. Everyone would spend months raving about them and I’d finally crack and figure this time I’d figure out why everyone was saying they were great, and they just seemed empty and boring. Maybe…I was wrong? Fortunately, I knew something: I have never been wrong in my life. Once, I thought I was wrong, but I wasn’t. Quite the paradox. Starfield taking the sheen off ol’ Bethesda has been very Captain Holt voice VIN-DI-CATION! (RIP Andre Braugher).
