Video Games!
They’re great, love ‘em!
Not only are they the only thing keeping you sane in what seems like an ever increasingly crazier and crazier world, but they’re also fun!
And sometimes: Political.
I didn’t play as many new games this year as I usually do. I spent most of my time staring at my phone in abject terror between breaks of replaying every Dragon Age game and fostering a newfound love of Sonic The Hedgehog.
I did however find time in my busy schedule to play exactly 10 games that came out this calendar year. So as far as I’m concerned these are objectively the best and only ones that came out this year. Any other list that includes different games is null & void because they’re talking about fake games that don’t exist.
Anyway, here’s the top 10 games of 2024:
10. Dragon Ball Z: Sparking Zero
Goku is fucking awesome.
9. Space Marine 2
Of the two fascism simulators that came out this year, this one is my favorite.
You stomp on big bugs, then stomp on bigger bugs, then you stop stomping on bugs and it gets a little boring, but then you meet a mech and it becomes the greatest videogame ever made for approximately 2 hours!
Great job guys!
8. Arco
About 5 minutes into this game your character stumbles across some oil on their native land.
Uh oh!
You then spend some time fucking up the guys looking to take it. A+
7. Silent Hill 2
I played this with my girlfriend and asked her when she’d stop looking for me if she was in this situation, and she said a little past the church.
I assume she knows about loop theory and understands that the continual search for me is merely her subconscious seeking redemption for the horrible crimes done in my name.
6. Dragon Age Veilguard
You can give a dragon the people’s elbow. No other game can make this claim.
5. Marvel Rivals
I played this game a lot. I thought about it a lot. I dreamt about it a lot.
It brought back 2016 Overwatch style shitposting. A shining beacon of hope in a world of darkness.
4. Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth
I went to Hawaii this year intending to take a photo of myself riding a segway, to be more like my hero Kasuga Ichiban.
I failed him… but I did spend the entire trip saying: “Aloha!” “Hey!” to random people I met!
I’d like to think he’d still be proud of that.
I know he’d be proud of that.
3. Astro Bot
Astro Bot is my son and he said that Sony has to make a new Uncharted or the prophecy will come true.
2. Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth
I never played the original FF7, but this one is really good!
It’s a near perfect modern translation of the classic Final Fantasy format, in one of the most lovingly crafted open worlds I’ve ever seen. Modern AAA games tend to suffer from bloat issues, but here it just feels like a throwback to Square Enix of yesteryear. Bringing back the lavish production quality they used to be known for.
I was literally recovering from a traumatic brain injury while playing this and it would give me the worst headaches I’ve ever experienced. It was too good to stop, and I likely have permanent damage because of it.
1. Metaphor
5 BIG BOOMS
