Duke Nukem Forever Review

Back in May 1996, there was a little title released by 3D Realms called Duke Nukem 3D. The game used the infamous DOS-gaming character Duke Nukem to create an absurd parody of the ever popular Doom and Quake franchise. To this day, there are many from the ancient time of the 90’s who say that Duke Nukem 3D defined that generation of PC gaming with players blasting through the set-pieces, turning on sinks, and listening to crass one-liners coming straight from the mouth of Jon St. John.

Duke Nukem Forever
Developer: 3D Realms (Gearbox Software, Triptych Games, Piranha Games)
Price: $60.00
Platform: Xbox 360 [reviewed], PS3, PC

Invigorated after the success of Duke Nukem 3D, 3D realms announced a sequel titled Duke Nukem Forever to release in mid-1998. It’s been fourteen years. After switching engines twice, changing development teams, the rumor to have become vaporware, and two console generations later, the Nuke has finally dropped into store shelves on the historic day of June 14th, 2011.

As I write this, it is one week later and I have completed what was once the longest-running gag in the history of video games. While it is definitely a new feeling to have reached the end-credits of a title that was announced when I was five, does this game deliver on fourteen years of development? Well, the short story is “not at all,” but of course any game that has to deliver on such a long development time will fall short of the hype it creates. However, is Duke Nukem Forever at least enjoyable?

That’s right, the self-proclaimed king of gaming has returned. As to be expected in a game with a celebrity of this caliber, the premise is fairly simple. It’s been twelve years in Duke’s world since his last adventure. Within that time-span, Duke has become exceedingly wealthy and popular, to the point he owns most of Las Vegas and women have orgasms at the sight of bulging muscles. And it is those very same women that the alien invaders have come to kidnap in their assault of Vegas and now only Duke can rescue them. Unfortunately, the President of the United States tells Duke not to get involved. While Duke defies the order shortly after, it is here where I noticed the first real problem of Duke Nukem Forever: Other characters treat Duke like a serious human-being. Due to Duke’s normal character traits, I’d expect proper retaliation to military orders would take form in Duke spouting a vulgar one-liner. Yet, he doesn’t. In fact, he just stands around silently. It’s almost as if the dialogue for the other characters belongs in some form of modern warfare shooter rather than this one.

More than just the world has changed for good ol’ Duke. The health bar that was once the norm for shooters back in the 90’s has been updated in the form of a regenerative ego-meter. Yes, Duke doesn’t need armor to fight off an alien invasion. In fact, there is a portion of the game where a character tries to give him the armor of Halo’s Master Chief. In a very fitting manner, Duke declines. This is because all Mr. Nukem needs to sprint towards a horde of enemies while being hit by hundreds of bullets is his overly inflated ego and his stereotypical machismo. That, and five seconds to hide in a corner. While this isn’t really true to the Duke Nukem ways of old, it is very fitting for the character and makes it more approachable for newcomers. Plus, with the completion of each interactive challenge, Duke’s ego-meter will permanently expand. This adds incentive for players to interact with every challenge and adds a nice mixture of gameplay, in theory.

While the forty-second load times often told me the hint that Duke can bench press six-hundred pounds, it seems he can now only carry two weapons at once. It seems like something to normally outrage about as it rids a factor that was once a core mechanic in the 90’s. Still, I actually do not mind the update to a more contemporary way of playing. Once again, it makes the game more accessible for newcomers and, quite frankly, there was never once a time where I felt limited by my weapons. It would’ve been nice to find a work around to allow for more weapons to be held at once without the use of action-killing menus, but there are much worse things in Duke Nukem that belittle the game than the lack of the character being a walking arsenal.

When the game isn’t suffering through load times and drop-in frame rate, Duke Nukem Forever attempts to play like a fairly standard shooter. You’ll spend a fraction of your time blasting through aliens and fighting colossal bosses that are immune to everything except explosions. It’s when the title provides interesting set pieces with over the top action that is becomes fairly memorable. One instance, for example, being the explosion-riddled shoot out in the village modeled off the old west. Another being any time where Duke takes his steroids and punches through every pig-cop he can find. Unfortunately, players will spend most of their time doing arbitrary puzzles, platforming sections, and trying to parody much better games. The parodies wouldn’t be so insufferable if in its attempt to be a parody, Duke Nukem Forever didn’t force the player to play through the very worst bits of the games it is seeking to parody. Sadly, they do. Although making necessary jokes where giant war vehicles running out of fuel are fine, but wandering around in poorly designed, labyrinth like caves is where the game loses focus and slips into mediocrity.

In fact, the major problem with Duke Nukem Forever isn’t with the gray aesthetic, how Duke interacts with other characters, nor is it even the technical short-comings. All those problems could be forgiven if the game knew how to pace itself. You’ll spend countless hours performing pointless tasks, yet you’ll only spend a short time being rewarded with sections that include blasting through the game’s set pieces. This makes the feel of the game seem all over the place and never trying to be true to what Duke Nukem 3D was back in 1996.

Duke Nukem Forever was never going to be a blockbuster game filled with fourteen years of development gold. After watching the older trailers for the game, which Duke Nukem Forever proudly displays once you finish the main quest, it’s clear that tons of ideas were cut and it’s not the close to the same game we were shown back in 1997. Hell, this isn’t even the same game as it was back in 2005. However, the game does provide a good ten to twelve hours of game time and I do fully intend to play it again, if nothing more than to get the easy achievements. It’s just a shame that the development trials forced the game to release on the very dated Unreal 2.5 Engine, and it shows with rushed production values. When the game is fun, it is really fun.

The Final Word
Overall though, there just aren’t enough “Duke Nukem” moments in Duke Nukem Forever to make it worth $60. The title holds too many moments of dull, aimless wandering looking for the next part of the experience yet doesn’t deliver nearly enough powerhouse action. Still, this release brings closure to a long-running joke and a lot of suffering for 3D Realms. Now that Gearbox holds control of the rights for the company’s new mascot, I look forward to see them make a real Duke Nukem game filled with heavy-action, funny one-liners, and well done parody. Until then, pick this one up when it is a lot cheaper.

– MonsterVine Rating: 3 out of 5 – Average