Some games are about 300 hours of gameplay and high concepts and groundbreaking narratives and some are just about vibes. Cryptmaster is just about vibes, specifically, the vibe of cruising around a dungeon typing words while a sardonic, Vincent Price-style narrator complains about what an idiot you are (you are) and you try to fight monsters while instantly forgetting every word you ever knew, all in glorious black and white.
Cryptmaster
Developer: Paul Hart, Lee Williams, Akupara Games
Price: $25
Platform: PC (reviewed)
MonsterVine was supplied with a Steam code for review
Everything in Cryptmaster is words and I do mean everything. It’s like Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing or Typing of the Dead but in an old school dungeon crawler like Ultima or Legend of Grimrock. Want to attack? That’s a HIT or JAB or ZAP or YELL (your bard is helping!) or other, more complex word. The wraparound gimmick is very simple and very clever: you, dear player, are dead, as are your companions, and you’re exploring your crypt and the underworld and trying to make your way out. Along the way, you’re trying to recover your memories and skills and abilities, thus the “furiously trying to remember what things are and what words mean,” and the Vincent Price-esque narrator helping you, well, he may not be as helpful as he seems. He is pretty funny, though, if only for his heavy sighs every time you say something stupid.
Want to look in that CHEST? That’s a guessing game with your sardonic narrator giving you vague descriptions while you get him to LOOK and LISTEN and maybe LIFT and TASTE, and then you try to guess WHAT’S IN THE BOOOOOX which is when you will immediately turn very stupid. Let’s see, a small furry thing, some kind of animal, and it starts with R and ends with T. Three letters. ROT? RIT? God, I’m stumped.
There’s fishing (of course) and even a card game called WHATEVER that most NPCs play (of course), which requires more typing, all word-oriented. Using your (word) skills requires souls, which frequently requires finding bugs wandering around the dungeon, all of whom have names you want to rapidly type. NPCs have robust conversation options, meaning you have to figure out what you want to ask them about, rather than clicking obvious prompts.
The actual RPG at the heart of the very stylish game is pretty simple and just as old school as it seems: you’re going to get your ass kicked a lot by monsters that are probably way above your (vocabulary/reading) level until you git gud (smart) or find a way around them or figure out their gimmick. Oh, there are gimmicks. Sometimes they have a shield that means certain letters don’t work against them. Sometimes they are immune to status effects. Sometimes, they have very long names, which means…yes, those letters are hitpoints. Everything is words. I meant it. Every single thing. When they die? You get to pick letters, which can help you figure out those skills and unlock new words and memories, and maybe get more smarter.
If the prospect of furiously trying to remember a bunch of words is daunting, there is a turn-based mode for combat–maximum retro–but real-time is the preferred mode. There’s not even a mouselook–maximum retro turbo!–it’s all keyboard. If wandering around a gloomy underground trying to remember how to word good and do other things good too sounds intriguing, well, the narrator is already disappointed and sighing heavily. He will even tell you how to uninstall if you’re particularly bad. It’s a wonderful journey, down in the crypts with the Australian rat people while the narrator sighs at you for saying the stupidest things imaginable.
The Final Word
Bela Lugosi’s dead and so are you.
– MonsterVine Rating: 4 out of 5 – Good
