Control Issues: The Worst in Controller Peripherals

Well this is my first post at Monstervine and I’d like to thank Will for the opportunity to write here, however lacking an actually game to review I’m going to have a nice rant concerning the shocking level of controller peripherals that have either been on the market or are even still for sale in these enlightened times. I have a feeling that I’ll earn the ire of some retro gaming fans for one of the items on this list, but that doesn’t change how truly terrible it was. Also I’d like to mention at this point that I have nothing against Nintendo, but they do have a somewhat turbulent history when it comes to this sort of thing.

Number Five: Resident Evil 4 Chainsaw Controller (Sony Playstation 2 and Nintendo Gamecube)

Just look at this monstrosity, I don’t really think it needs to be justified why this horrible device is on a list of terrible controller gimmicks. Released by NubyTech in order to try and capitalise on the success of the otherwise brilliant Resident Evil 4, the Chainsaw Controller was supposed to aid to the immersion of the gaming experience. I just hope that this idea isn’t taken on board by the makers of Love Plus +, I shudder to think what they’d come up with.

Number Four: Goldeneye Wii, Gold Edition SharpShoter (Nintendo Wii)

Well this is a prime example of trying to cash-in on the fond memories of those of us lucky enough to have played the original Goldeneye 007 on the Nintendo 64. Saying that, surely the remake of Goldeneye for the Wii is doing the same thing? This tacky knock-off of the Golden Gun from the Bond film ‘The Man with the Golden Gun’ looks more like the classic NES Blaster that someone has painted gold than the actual Golden Gun. This is lower on the list purely because it’s so terrible that I’m sure that no one will buy it.

Number Three: Power Glove (Nintendo Entertainment System)

Here we go, the true original in awful controller gimmicks. I know that the Power Glove is somewhat of a classic for retro gamers, but surely the normal controller is far easier. It would be easier to control a jet fighter with bread flight stick than use the Power Glove to control a game. Despite it’s uselessness as a control interface, if I saw a decent condition one going cheap then I’d probably still pick it up – if only to act as an ornament.

Number Two: Star Wars Clone Wars Blaster (Nintendo Wii)

I saw one of these in a local gaming store and honestly thought that I’d either finally gone mad or that it was a joke. It turns out that neither of those were in fact the case, and that this massive Nintendo Wii controller was actually real and on sale for roughly £9.99 or whatever the equivalent is in your own currency. I just can’t imagine the sort of person who would buy this, oh wait yes I can. Still, the sheer size of it makes it ridiculous, how is this any easier than holding a normal Wii-mote? It’s going to take something pretty big to keep this from first place.

Number One: Steel Battalion (Xbox)

There was a lot of potential candidates to take the number one spot of my worst controller peripherals, most of which were not technically classed as such (ie. limited edition controllers). However, when I stumbled upon this beast of a device I finally knew I had my number one. This massive, and expensive, system of controls were only available to use on the game of the same name for the original Xbox. It cost roughly US$200 at the time of release, far too much for a system that was only one game compatible. I’m not sure why anyone would buy this, except possible in some noble stupid attempt to own every peripheral in existence.