For too long, the lawn mowing community has suffered. You want to simulate a tank? We will leak top secret specs to win a forum argument. You want to fly a plane? We will simulate the whole world down to Australia’s famous eldritch obelisks. Want to be a goat? We will make you a goat that’s in space. But who gave a shout to all the lawn boys? Nobody, that’s who.
Until now.
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Developer: Skyhook Games
Price: $30 USD
Platform: PC, Xbox Series X/S
MonsterVine was supplied with Steam code for review
Strap yourself into the saddle. Turn up the engine. Feel five wicked, blazing horses rumbling all around you. Gaze upon the emerald plains and know that soon, they will bow to your mastery of all lawn care.
Welcome…to Lawn Mowing Simulator.
They got all the hot mowers us lawnboys have been asking for, begging for, dying for. You want Stiga, Knight, Scag, and Toro? You better EARN it. This isn’t those Millenial games here where you get everything. This is a hardcore lawnmowing sim for true gamers, not some kind of participation trophy for losers that play games on their phones and pay $2.99 to win. I don’t even have a phone because I am living that lawn life 24/7. You know where to find me if you need me: strapped onto five raging horses and cutting that grass (and the haters) down to size.
Lawn Mowing Simulator requires true commitment to the lawn lovin’ life in the most important mode of all: career mode. Finally, the chance to build the lawn care company of your dreams from the ground up, and it all starts with picking your first mower. Oh, you noobs thought you might get a long tutorial with a lot of hand holding? Maybe you need to play one of those games that play themselves. You know, a console game for literal babies, not a video game meant for true enthusiasts with a $5,000 lawn simpit in their living room.
Yeah, it gives you the basic controls, but it’s up to you to figure out what kind of grass clipping catchers are the best, set the deck height, and remember to turn on the cutting blades. You take that tractor for a test drive and you begin with walking over to it and mounting up and driving it across the parking lot into the gladiatorial arena that is hardcore lawn care. This is the Dark Souls of lawn mowing, not some game for literal children that couldn’t be trusted with a lawn mower. Oh, this? This tractor tops out at 5 miles per hour, but your little Power Wheels probably can’t even go that fast. Call me Dominic Toretto because on this baby I am fast AND furious.
Don’t worry, I have answers to all your questions:
Do you have to manually start the engine?
YES
Do you have to lower the cutting deck?
OF COURSE
Do you need to adjust the blade height?
DO YOU!
Can you pick your contracts and control your lawn mowing destiny?
YES MOST DEFINITELY!
Is there weather?
OF COURSE THERE IS. BETTER NOT CUT IN THE RAIN OR YOU’LL MESS THAT LAWN UP.
CAN YOU DO SICKNASTY DOUGHNUTS ON THE LAWN POWERED BY 5 LITERS OF PURE GRASS HATING ADRENALINE?
YOU HAD TO ASK?! BOOM!
IS THIS THE REAL DEAL?
This isn’t some CASH IN, this is for true LAWN CARE ENTHUSIASTS
What happens if I die in the game?
WHAT DOES IT MATTER YOU’RE ALREADY IN HEAVEN?
Oh, you survived the cutthroat world of lawn care career mode? Well, Lawn Mowing Simulator doesn’t just ride you hard (like a lawnmower), it makes sure to put you away wet (like you would after freshly cutting a lawn)! For more sicknasty lawn care action, you have free mow mode where you can do doughnuts to your heart’s content but still make sure the grass gets cut (as it should, we lawn boys don’t just play hard, we work hard on our #lawn care #hustle #grind ). If that’s not enough, and if you think you can handle it, you can jump on into CHALLENGE MODE and face down the hardest lawns you’ve seen in your life.
They may have finally given us the lawn mowing game we’ve been dying for, but they weren’t standing pat with the only game that will ever matter. As I was getting started, the maniacs announced wheel support. That’s right. You can finally join me in lawn care bliss with a totally immersive lawn care pit right in your living room without doing a bunch of wiring or remembering to turn off the blades (sorry, Sparky!).
Topping it all off is a jazzy, upbeat soundtrack with blistering guitar solos that make you say I am mowing the fuck out of this lawn.
The Final Word
They will make video games after this but they shouldn’t, perfection has been achieved.
– MonsterVine Rating: 5 out of 5 – Excellent
