History speaks of mysterious individuals exploring the very secrets of the universe, seeking to transmute the very essence of creation. Or they were people dicking around in a lab to see what happens. Wherever the truth lies, the simple fact is screwing around and mixing things up to see what happens is, as the youths say, very cool. Things like child safety and “Maybe we don’t let the kids play with uranium” have ruined the thrill of the inadvertent explosion (thanks, Millennials!), so for now, we look to the ancient mysteries of the past to brew up…let’s see. Okay, sir, you’re telling me you’re farty? Let me check in the back…
Potioncraft: Alchemist Simulator
Developer: niceplay games
Price: $15
Platform: PC, Xbox One, Xbox Series S/X
MonsterVine was supplied with Steam code for review
Potioncraft: Alchemist Simulator puts you in the olde timey shoes of a budding alchemist. Specifically, said budding alchemist has been wandering around looking to settle down and get into the trade. Fortunately, there was an abandoned house at the edge of town that was, at one point, owned by a wizard and is chock full of alchemy equipment. Granted, most of it is broken, but beggars and wandering novice alchemists can’t be choosers. And there IS an herb garden. Not the fun kind. The alchemy kind. HANDY!
The basic rhythm of the game is this: Every morning, you wake up and trundle down to the garden to pluck the day’s herbs. I imagine you do this in Ye Olde Times bathrobe and slippers, much as I take the trash out to the dumpsters in my modern day bathrobe and slippers. (People don’t change, especially the robe and slippers part). You wander into the front part of your shop and see what people want.
Customers range from people that know what they want to, as any retail worker knows, people who have no frickin’ idea what they want. You can brew them a potion or, if you don’t have the ingredients or have any idea what they want, you can shrug and they go away. Sometimes random merchants and tradesfolk come through and you can buy and barter for exotic ingredients or parts for your alchemy machine or whatever else they have. You can also do a lil’ freelance alchemy as ingredients permit, exploring new potions or trying to brew stronger ones, or trying to figure out why the fart guy didn’t want your speed potion.
The actual “alchemy” part makes sense visually but is kinda hard to explain in words. Basically, imagine a map where you start in the center. Each ingredient sends you in a certain direction or series of directions, like to the right or down or up, or to the left. You select an ingredient that sends you in the right direction and can use a mortar and pestle (yes, you actually have to grind things up!) to start down that path, then dump the ground herb in your cauldron (insert witch laugh). You stir the cauldron to actually advance the potion along the path, being careful to not screw things up and, hopefully, you get a little experience and a nice potion at the end. Sometimes you can combine effects. Sometimes it doesn’t really do anything and nobody wants it, but it’s kind of neat to have a Mana/Speed potion, even if it doesn’t help the farting guy.
That’s about it! There are upgrades and stuff to unlock and a general path to follow and progress, but it’s a very mellow kind of game. Very cozy. It almost feels more like the kind of thing you’d download on a tablet or phone to poke around with when tucked into bed. There’s stuff to figure out, but seldom a running clock or hard limit. People get mad when you don’t have the potions they want, but it’s usually recoverable. So you just futz in your garden and brew up some potions and tinker with stuff and have a nice time exploring the mysteries of the alchemical universe. Sometimes the weird mushroom guy comes by and you make him a potion so he can make even weirder mushrooms. Sometimes people get mad because you sold the highwayman a strength potion so he’s robbing everyone. LOOK I’M IN THE POTION BUSINESS, NOT THE POLICE BUSINESS. THAT’S THE SHERIFF’S JOB!
I also feel like it’s interesting to note that upcoming patches include more garden management and cultivation for growing that herb (not the fun kind), new potions and ingredients, and new things to unlock, so it’s not one of those games that gets shoved out the door and ignored. Support your local alchemist!
The Final Word
Sitting around making weed smoke. Not the fun kind.
– MonsterVine Rating: 3.5 out of 5 – Fair
