The Alternative GOTY Awards

Well what a year in which nothing actually happened. Sure we got many great games but as an industry it sort of stood still asking “Is Modern Warfare 2 here yet?”. Without a doubt this year will be seen as the year of the Modern Warfare to most but to me it’s the year of the 2. Left4Dead 2, Assassin’s Creed 2, Modern Warfare 2, Uncharted 2, Killzone 2, Resident Evil 5. (Yeah it’s not a 2 but if you flip over the 5 it makes one) It’s also the year in which the 2 vastly improved itself from it’s predecessor number 1. All the sequels had improved upon the previous instalment without fail, the same can rarely be said for the film industry.

But the main reason for this article is for my own personal take on GOTY awards making use of some more obscure awards. So without further a due, I present to you the Vinies.

Most Controversial Game That Didn’t Cause Any Controversy Award goes to Assassin’s Creed 2. (I’ll warn you now, this will contain SPOILERS) No Russian? Bah, killing a few innocent civilians and their dog is nothing. Not when you can totally massacre and beat up key historical figures. Sure Leonardo De Vinci is seen as a nice guy, but the Pope? A total and utter bastard who you try and kill but obviously survives in order to keep the historical accuracy to a fictitious game. I’m surprised any religious folk hasn’t caught onto this yet the way they crack down if you play online blackjack, unless FOX News doesn’t like to reveal game spoilers, ha who am I kidding, of course they don’t care about that.

The Club Sauce Award for game character that sounds like Will Arnett goes to Cole from InFamous. Matt Hazard has been eliminated from the award for being voiced by Will Arnett himself, so that doesn’t count. Nothing makes a guy manly then a croaky, rugged voice, no-one can do that better than over the top actor Will Arnett. This makes it no surprise that many actually try and sound like him. I was convinced that Cole was actually being voice by Will himself, until I looked up the list of voice actors that is. It literally shocked me that it wasn’t him but instead some guy called James Cottle. It’s no surprise Will voiced Hazard in Eat Lead, it’s the perfect generic badass fit.

The Blandest Good Game award goes to Killzone 2. I had a hard time choosing between Halo 3: ODST and Killzone 2. Both great games in their own merit, and both have awesome online components. The only way I could base this is was the fact I played ODST more so this is why I picked Killzone 2. All the components that make Killzone 2 great are there, but yet it all seems dull. The factor could be the all the dirt and brown plaguing the scenery, something common in most next generation games. Combat was rather sluggish at times and the story…pretty….well I don’t remember the story in the slightest which gives a good indication about that.

Most Pointless DLC award goes to Tales of Vesperia. Before all you smartasses come and tell me the game came out last year. In actual fact the game stupidly only came to Europe this year thus making it a game of 2009 for Europe. I’m oddly enough situated in that continent so to me it counts as 2009 and not 2008, so suck it. Rather than expand the games story or world they instead offer DLC in the form of cheating. You can choose to pay for levelling up, money, skills, items (yes you can buy items in-game but instead use real currency and not the made up in-game currency like how they do it in a bonus casino) It takes out the whole role playing aspect of a damn role playing game. The whole point is to see your characters grow naturally as they gain new skills, items and money, not have it given to you on a silver platter for a price. Who would actually buy this shit? It’s liking buying your dinner and then paying someone to eat it for you and ask them to describe what it tastes like.

Best Game You Should Play But You Won’t Award goes to Half Minute Hero. Most games that aren’t console related largely get ignored, so this is no surprise that no-one played Half Minute Hero on the PSP. It looks like a traditional RPG but that’s far from the truth. It’s really a fast paced silly satire on the RPG genre with each level lasting only 30 seconds. It’s also a very Japanese game at heart, bad translations and all, which adds another reason why you haven’t played it. Variety of gameplay modes with levels designed with portability in mind which doesn’t take itself seriously…at all. But why am I even bothering you won’t play it.

Most pointless GOTY award award goes to the Spike VGA’s and the Best Performance By A Human Male/Female. This only serves as a best celebrity appearance in a game in a attempt to get some A-list celebrities to appear on the show. God forbid if one would actually turn up without being nominated for anything. Sure Megan Fox has the eye candy but hasn’t got the acting skills to match let alone voice acting. I like how they say ‘Human Male/Female’, so what? Other voice actors aren’t actually human but really some type of monotone robot, though that would make sense giving the voice work in most video games. But seriously what other sort of voice actor do you get that aren’t human? I didn’t hear about the dog that out-performed David Hayter in Metal Gear Solid.

That’s it for this year’s Vinies, expect our proper and far more serious Game of the Year nominations within the next few days, once we can all finally decide on that game, it might take a while.